The Girl Whisperer by Wole Oguntokun

I found out this while I was out scavenging. I loved it, the truth of it. And I replied to it in I BELIEVE YOU... (below).

The Girl Whisperer
(as published in the Sunday Guardian September 9)

Loving in Multiples

Omohemi Benson sent an article to some of her friends and I, titled, “Why men are never depressed”, stating the many differences between men and women.
One of the many things that struck me in that article was a line that said men could spend thirty seconds on the phone and say goodbye. I’d known for a long while that women found this trait in men really disturbing; after all, in a telephone conversation, you’re meant to ramble on, go back and forth, raise up matters of earth-shaking importance, or all other things women feel should be mulled over, worried about and torn to pieces in gossip…but I digress.
Some other points were, men are comfortable with just owning three pairs of shoes, and if by some omission they were forgotten in a list of invites to a party, they would not have a life-long feud with the person who forgot.My point exactly?
If there is anyone walking the face of the earth who thinks men and women are the same, the person has not figured it all out yet. The woman who complains to you about her day often does not really want a solution; she wants your empathy, for you to show concern, primarily.
A man’s instinct on the other hand is to conjure a solution. “Do it this way, dammit, and stop whining”, the man says, much to the chagrin of the female who is looking for a listening ear.
Men and women sit in trenches across from each other, in army uniforms, guns poking out from time to time, with a large expanse of no man’s land between them, littered with the slain bodies of misconceptions, misunderstandings and all the other things that fuel friction in relationships. The difference I want to talk about is something that some women have not figured out yet even though they know more about the male sex than is healthy for most “criminally-minded” men. The regular woman is able to sense when a partner is cheating, through observation, looking him in the eye, through some form of extra-sensory perception that men lose before they turn six years old.
She looks and she just knows, even without being able to tell the reason why, most of the time. She might never do anything about this knowledge, wearily resigning to the excesses of the philanderer and accepting his lying heart as her lot in life, but when she sets her mind to it, she knows and is sometimes silent. This is why many men, in their hearts, are afraid of the women who have stood with them through many years of uncontrolled urges.
There is one thing, however, that women do not seem to be able to grasp even with the innate powers they appear blessed with. Men can “love” in multiples. The same way a man can have an intimate engagement with someone he feels absolutely nothing for, is the same way he can “love” different women for different reasons. Angry women will call this ability many things, and those men who practice it, even worse names, but it does not change the reality of how men act sometimes. A man will “love” one woman for her great mind and her playful spirit, for the length of her legs and for the fact that she is very attractive and delightful to look at.
He will love another for her beauty and for her smile that lights up a room. These “loves” will be in separate compartments and when he says, “I love you” to either, he means it from the bottom of his heart (or the top, depending on your preference).
Are you starting to get my point? Men have this ability (many, many women will call it a vice) of “loving” in multiples. This is no excuse for the inability of some men to control themselves, but women should know that not all “I love you(s) are as simple as they sound. Seek for clarity from the man involved- Is he able to keep all his professions of love for your benefit alone? If he cannot, and you are unable to accept this, better to look for the fellow who can.
posted by laspapi at 11:28 PM on Sep 8, 2007

I BELIEVE YOU.

Men can love in multiples. ALL MEN (both sexes) can love in multiples.

I am not being feminist, but perceptive.
The modern tide is fast obliterating gender and it is no longer startling to hear of

a male who is in love with another male and even in love with a female at the same time.

Or vice - versa. And in most cases it is TRUE LOVE on all sides.

One thing a lot of men never realize is that a woman is the only one who truly

knows who she loves and how many they are, and how she makes sure they

all keep on loving her.

Case Study: A virtuous woman with a very good looking male PA...
He has worked with her for 25years and is utterly devoted to her,

for no gold plated reason.

Her best friend since she was 6years old...He taught her how to ride a bicycle,

she has a nickname for him and he never forgets birthdays, anniversaries, etc

and even though they are both now 60years old, they are still unbreakable.

Her Mentor (professional, educational, spiritual etc) He calls her "my daughter"

but inwardly he wishes she was more...

Every man is capable of being just like one of these men to some woman.

A woman could love all these men TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY

at the same time without compromise.

Only SHE knows how to play the right strings in any of these men's hearts

even if what she wants if for them to kill her husband.